What Marriage Is

When I was engaged and a newlywed, many people, both close and barely acquainted gave me heart-felt, true-to-them advice and offered their “sage wisdom” on what marriage is.  I listened.  I really wanted to know what my marriage would be like.  I appreciated hearing what I was told.  A good portion of it was helpful on my journey, but most of it was not true for me.  It was their own testimony, from their own experiences.

This is my unique perspective; my own testimony of marriage.  I’m sharing it because most of what I heard about marriage was not from this perspective.  No one told me that marriage would be a walk in the park.  No one except my mother-in-law.  I thought she was just really really sugar coating it for me because it was just a few weeks before my marriage, and she could see that Ritchie and I were both feeling a little jittery.  I have since come to know that what she told me was the actual, beautiful truth of her marriage, and has come to be very significant in my own.  This is my “sage wisdom” from a lofty 5 ½ years of marriage.  Take it for what it is – a knowledge that I’ve gained from my marriage experience – first hand, as unique as the individuals that make up the union.

Marriage is easy.

Being married is NOT hard.  I repeat, IT IS EASY.  It was from the very, very beginning.  So many good individuals told me otherwise, but that was their story.  I married a man that dated me for 1.5 years.  We were long distance for most of it, which meant we fell in love with each other’s souls before we fell in love with each other’s faces.  We were best friends, knowing each other very well, respecting and obeying dating guidelines from our church when we tied the knot, which I think helped to make it so easy.  On our first year anniversary, we met a woman who congratulated us on hitting the one year mark.  She said, “You know, the first year is the very hardest.”  We puzzled over it.  The first year was blissful!  If that was the hardest year of marriage, wow, were we ever in for a happily ever after!  I just don’t understand how marriage is hard.  At least, not in the 5 ½ years and two kids that I have to show for it.

Life is hard.  Marriage does not have to be hard.  From the wisdom of 50 years of marriage, my mother-in-law told me marriage was easy.  She has seen sickness, sorrow, death, seven children, 30-something grandchildren, and now great-grandchildren that are coming in droves.  That is a whole lot of life experience.  She believes that marriage is easy.  I do too.

Marriage is safe.

As humans, we learn to guard ourselves from over-exposure.  We don’t want our hearts to get flung out in the cold world to be trampled on.  Or taken in a dark room to be quietly stabbed.  We protect ourselves.  And it’s a good thing that we do!  But in my testimony of marriage, I know that it is a place that my heart is completely safe.  I am safe.  From the first day of marriage, Ritchie and I took a leap of trust, and found that it was rewarded.  As the days went by, it was still safe.  Weeks, and years added layers of protection.  We know that we are safe.  I am not ashamed or worried to be myself and to have myself known.  It is honest.  It is open.  It is safe.  The more I know about him, the deeper I understand and love him.  I guess that’s what intimacy is.  It is just between us.  We are a team that is committed and loyal.  My heart breaks wide open for individuals who have their sacred trust compromised in marriage.  That is not what our Heavenly Father intended for marriage.  In a spirit of solemn gratitude, I can say that my testimony of marriage is that it is safe.

Marriage is fun.

Again, the sage advice of others told me that marriage was work.  Work?  Being a mom is a lot of work.  Going to the job is work.  Serving in callings at church is work.  Exercise is work.  Those things also are very rewarding and fun, but they are work.  I just can’t say that marriage is work.  Sorry, but I can’t.  When Ritchie gets home in the evening, it’s pretty much always my favorite time of day.  There’s nothing like setting out on a road trip adventure with him; it’s so fun to have the time together!  My favourite part of Christmas this past year was that Ritchie took extra days off of work.  Being together is fun.  We love to do our life work beside each other.  We have so much fun going on simple dates.  Developing our marriage has been a blast!

This is my story.  I’m throwing it out there to shed some colour on the grim picture so many others paint of the word “marriage”.  I’m not condemning them for doing it.  My heart breaks that it is their story.  But like I said, this is my testimony of my short experience thus far.  I hope that if you are searching for a companion, and you have heard or experienced the grim of marriage, that this lends you hope.  It is not a farce.  I’m not pretending.  This is my testimony.  It is what I both believe and know.  Marriage is easy, safe and fun.  Call me naïve – I probably am – but I also trust in Ritchie’s mom, and I know that she is not.  

I will leave you with this thought from Elder Bruce R. McKonkie.  “The most important single thing that any Latter-day Saint ever does in this world is to marry the right person, in the right place, by the right authority.”  I feel like my marriage started that way.  I love what has grown since then.